grandma shit on top of the toilet
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
