I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
