Ambien. No doubt about it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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