they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
