Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
