She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
