We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
