Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Vodka?
Forever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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