Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
