And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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