also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
