I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
