SEEEEXXX PLEASE
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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