you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
