I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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