People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
