I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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