Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
