I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
