I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
