You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
