How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
