i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
