Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
