Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
