i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
