Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
