Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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