I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
