I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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