Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
