I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
