So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
