Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
