i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
