I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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