she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
