Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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