Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
