The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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