He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
