Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
