fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
