the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i out mim tonsoeep
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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