KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
