Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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