Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ttyl tear gas
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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