Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
