If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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