i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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