Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
another moral hangover. fuck.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
