How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
