Your mouth is God's brothel.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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